s.a. zober gave feedback to Ian MacPhail for “Holiday”:
Very clever story. Quirky characters as always... One thing I would suggest is that while I enjoyed your narrative voice, I feel as if you could give a lot more power to your characters if you would give them some more dialogue.

I feel like they are interesting creatures, from an interesting world and would like to hear their voices a little more clearly in these stories.

Thank you,
-Shoham
 Dec 20, 2012, 08:11 PST
Ian MacPhail  It had to be under 500 words, I barely got away with this because if you count the hypenated words as 1 word, it's 546 which is 500 + ~10% for experimental error.  (Dec 20, 2012, 15:36 PST)
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s.a. zober  Highly scientific! Still, I liked where you were going, and still wouldn't mind learning more about these characters...  (Dec 20, 2012, 17:50 PST)
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